I realize that for most of this trip I have viewed this blog as a "travelogue." It was a journal of my outward experiences. As I reached a new place I described what I saw and how I felt about what I was experiencing. Now, being stationary in Chiang mai I have not seen many new things so i chose not to describe the experience I was having. What i have experienced here is not an external journey but an internal one. Sitting in contemplation has led me to experience that which comes from within me, or more precisely that which resides within me. With very few external experiences I have instead faced aspects and truths about myself on a daily, hourly and even minute by minute basis.
In reading the teachings of the Buddha I have come to understand the reality of "the hungry ghost." This is the part of me, and every person if you choose to beleive the Buddha, that desires ever more and more but can never be truly satisfied. Coming from a culture that tends to present me with the idea that "more is better," I never truly faced the reality of this ghost. Through daily meditation focused on mindfulness I have begun to grasp the reality of this ghost in my life. I have looked at that which I desire and realized that there could never truly be an end to those desires. Instead I have begun to learn to acknowledge these desires, accepting them as part of my natural self, and to simply let them be. No attempts to control them or satiate them, simply being aware of their presences and then practicing letting go of my desire to fulfill them.
Now I find myself in a constant state of relaxed acceptance. I can't begin to explain my personal experience of watching a desire or emotion come up, acknowledging it and then letting go. I still find myself amazed and a bit sceptical. How could i have always had this capacity for peaceful living and never truly found a way to experience it in my daily life? I am in constant thankfulness that I have begun to feel this lightness of being, slowly becoming free of so many jumbled, incessant thoughts.
During my trip it was often a ritual that I would arrive in a town and find a nice watering hole to get a beer and make friends. In fact one of the main pass times of travelers I found is drinking, especially (but not exclusively) among the younger generation. Yet since I have arrived in Chiang mai I have not had a drop of alcohol. This too has been a new experience on my journey. I chose to do this initially for my training, seeing alcohol as unneccesary and harmful to what I arrived here for. Now, more and more, I find that the urge to drink is reduced or nearly gone by simply allowing myself to be in the moment and experience what is really happening without clouding it with an intoxicant.
I don't write all of this to sound like i have all the answers, in fact I probably still have a million more questions compared to any answers. I write this to share what has transpired for me internally on this leg of my journey. Even my muay thai training has become secondary to the experience of just being. In fact, I find it easier to practice every day with this new found awareness. Before I might be tempted to compare myself to the others training at the gym or imagining what I was "supposed" to be experiencing or accomplishing. Now I am content to experience what is actually happening at the moment it is happening. I can listen to my body so much clearer without the constant drone of my own thoughts, desires, fears and ambitions. I find myself much more capable of enjoying, accepting and being part of the amazing experience I've been having.
Which leads me to a thought about what I have been experiencing at the gym. First, I have learned that a key element, if not the key element, of Muay thai is a strong body. I've learned a few new things technically speaking, developed a more balanced stance and so forth. What I've really learned is the simple fact that these kick boxers are is great shape! Of course there is strategy involved and little tricks to pick up but most of all the true power of muay thai comes from developing a body that is strong in all aspects. Developing strong muscles is only a part of this training. Flexibility, endurance, speed and rythm are equally developed, if not more so. I've really come to enjoy simply working out on a daily basis, something I often forgot or chose not to do in the past. The time at this gym has re-awakened a part of me that simply enjoys the act of developing myself as a whole person. Combine with that the new awareness I have gained internally and I think it's safe to say, "I will not be the same person I was when I left." Which, by the way, feels like a lifetime ago. In some ways, it may have been a different life.
On a different note, I am very excited for the next two days. I have to get my visa renewed before the 3rd of september or I will get a 500 baht($15) fine for every day I go over. In thailand that means you have to leave the country, get an exit visa, get stamped on the other border and return. Once at the border it only takes about 10 minutes. The problem most people have is getting to the border. Many people, even as far south as Bangkok, go to the town of Mae sai which is the farthest northern town in thailand. This border town sits across a small bridge from the Burmese border and only a few kilometers from the Golden triangle, where Thailand, Burma and Laos meet. From Chiang mai it is about 300 kilometers (180 miles) to Mae sai. I looked on a map and read a few reveiws that talk about driving a motorbike to this town. I've decided to take the Saturday and Sunday to go to Mae sai by motorbike. The ride will take me through mountain passes and small villages that rarely see tourists. Having come to love the experience of driving on Thai roads I look forward to this journey like you wouldn't believe. I will do in 2 days what I did in vietnam in four, so I might be a bit sore but no worse for ware.
Writing this post has been a new experience for me as well. I'm not ussually one to talk about what truly goes inside my head or heart with just anyone. Writing this has left me feeling very exposed yet I feel I have only spoken the truth and this knowledge makes the act much easier. Again, thank all of you who read this and have traveled with me through my journey. I am so thankful to be surrounded by all of the amazing people I am gifted to know. I cherish my loving family, friends, teachers and students. This journey has showed me what a gift it is to simply be around so many people of such great quality. Wish me luck on this last little leg of my journey and I'll post again soon, whether or not I've "done" anything. :-P
Namaste,
Adam
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